The Wait

Yet another unplanned post-

Living in Israel has been mostly positive. Of course everything has its ups and downs. Being separated from friends and families has been made tolerable due to modern technology: Skype, FaceTime, SMS, Email, the myriad social apps, and our favorites, Viber and WhatsApp that allow one to call or text anywhere in the world for free. We’ve also been host to a fair amount of pilgrims, adventurers and family wanting a home base as they tour our beautiful country. Keeping in touch has never been a problem.

The past week, though, we were thrown headfirst into a most dire and difficult situation that grew beyond our most distressing imaginations. I had bought my ticket back to California last December. With plenty of time before the birth of our first two grandchildren- one due late March, the other at the end of April. My husband was due to follow late April.

A week and a half ago, Tess messaged me photos she had taken of her legs, feet and hands. Swollen so large she could not wear shoes. Her blood pressure was elevated. She was feeling nauseous and dizzy. Despite my pleas to take off work, rest, hydrate, and go to the clinic, she went to work…. for most of the day until she could take it no longer.

That night, she and Michael made the trip to UCLA Medical Center, thank G-d, a top level hospital! As I had suspected, she had preeclampsia and her BP was sky high. After a small seizure, she was put on morphine, but her and the baby’s heartbeats and blood pressure plummeted so they gave her norepinephrine. They wanted to get the baby delivered, so pitocin was started along with a whole host of other meds. That’s when we got the phone call.

John and I were beside ourselves. Me, especially, since I was to be present at the delivery. We could only pray, wait, and give them our “attaboys.” The long night for us passed with no news. Finally, late morning, calls from older sister who was taking my place as L&D coach. Tessa was ready to push, but having a really hard time.

No word. We are on pins and needles, but praying. My strictness in observing the Sabbath without phone in hand had been thrown out the window hours ago. Three hours later. Finally!! There are problems. Baby stuck and they have to try to turn it manually. More pushing. We are praying now harder than ever, our pleas ascending to G-d from the Holy Land. Two more hours. No word.

At last, baby is born but not breathing. Rushed to NICU. Tessa in bad shape. They are working on both patients. So…. what can we do??? I’m dying that I’m so far away from my babies. I want to be there for my daughter, to comfort her, hold her. My dear husband reminds me that we can do the best for the both of them just by our prayers. So I text four really close friends to have them join me in intercession on Tessa and Quinn’s behalf.

For the next couple days, the news is not good. For either. We now have people davening and praying and fasting and offering up all over the world as the small group of four pass the intentions on to others. It is very comforting, but still… I have 2 days before my booked flight- and this is the first time I don’t want to be in Israel….

Finally news on our granddaughter- after blood transfusions, oxygen support and other numerous procedures- takes an upturn. We are praising HaShem and rejoicing for this miracle, for new life!!! We get pictures. Of the baby. Hooked up to machines. Various tubes and monitors. It takes me back to the days when I delivered my preemies without family support. But Mike and her three sisters have put their schedules asides and are taking turns round the clock staying with Tessa – and visiting the baby. I feel a little better.

Still, as I mother, I’m beside myself. John reminds me that if I were in another state, we’d be in the same boat. But I’m not!!! I’m a world away!!! Tess takes a huge turn for the worse and begins to hemorrhage. She receives several units packed red cells. We pray even harder. We pull out specific Scriptures reminding G-d of His promises. Tessa’s fever has spiked to 104.6F/40.5 C! More IV antibiotics. They can’t figure out the exact cause of the infection.

Her gallbladder goes. I’m scheduled to leave the next day. A 25 hour trip with layovers and travel times. She’s going into surgery. Surgery is delayed until they can control the bleeding… I contact a whole host of other friends for prayers. Please go straight to the Kotel. Put a petek in the wall and daven, daven, daven! I plead with my Jerusalem girlfriend.

Priests are praying at the Holy Sepulchre, the Mount of Olives, throughout the Galilee and around the world. Rabbis in Los Angeles are praying. Torah classes are studied in merit of mother and child.

Tessa’s lungs are building up fluid and she’s having trouble breathing on her own. Unresponsive to antibiotics. Women’s groups are dedicating their Tanya studies to Tess & “Malkah bat Tessa.” I’m pacing the balcony, praying, glued to the phone. Possible sepsis? Clots removed. Heparin. Lasix. Blood. Morphine.Echocardiograms. MRI. Chest X-ray. CT scans. I’m floating in medical jargon.

John says to have faith. Look at all the good that’s already coming from this. We’ve told seven people and now there are prayers all over the US, Israel, Canada, the U.K., Europe, Australia and even Africa. People of all faiths are turning to G-d and doing goods deeds on her behalf. That G-d is faithful and merciful and compassionate even when we don’t get immediate results.

We are being purged emotionally, drained spiritually, but our faith is still unfaltering. Think of the many close calls, the many miracles we’ve already witnessed in our lives. John goes off to coach his baseball team when I get the news. Liver is going south. Heart and BP irregularities. I leave in four hours- not soon enough. I just want to hold my daughter. Tell her how much I love her.

I send encouraging texts to her sisters. We’re strong women. She’ll pull through. Keep up the faith. Don’t stop praying. I send them photos from my book, Talking to G-d by Rabbi Naomi Levy ( highly recommended!!!!!!). John comes home and I plead with him to come with me on the next flight. He reassures me that our G-d is faithful. That faith is believing without seeing. Hoping beyond all hope. When I get there in a few hours, if needed, he’ll change his flight-

This was the only time I’ve been in Israel that I really wanted to be elsewhere. By this time, we were being flooded with emails, calls & messages from concerned folk. Hundreds of them. I needed time to de-pressurize. To cry quietly. To breathe. The flight proved the perfect opportunity. 18 hours of blank space. Time to pull myself together. Hope I’d be there “in time” crossed my mind a few times, but I quickly pushed it aside and opted to focus on the saving power of a merciful Creator. He could do this. We could only pray for wisdom for the doctors. As my husband had reminded me, ” This is completely out of our hands. We can do nothing. G-d is in charge. What good will worry do?” Now you know why I love this awesome man so much!

By the time I arrived at Tessa’s bedside, the bleeding was under control and six antibiotics were down to four. She was sitting up and lucid. Mike and my three other daughters were there. They hadn’t left her side in almost a week. I could breathe a sigh of relief – and give these exhausted kids a much needed break. I was there.

By the next day, IV lines were pulled and oxygen was lowered. The baby, still in NICU, was allowed to be brought down to see Mama. The worst was over and all would be well in the long run.

Last night we were surprised when the evening rounds were made and discharge orders were written up for both. Shocked, but elated!

Yes. Sometimes we go through pure hell. Sometimes things happen in life that are simply beyond our control. But we have a most awesome G-d who listens and is merciful, and if we let Him, He can bring tremendous good to a broken world.

I’ll spend the next few days helping the new family get settled- cooking, cleaning, shopping, running errands so they have time to bond. It will be a long, slow process for Tess- but she’s skied, parachuted out of airplanes, rapelled up the tallest mountain cliffs in Hawaii, New Zealand & the States. And more. She’s a strong, athletic woman. Then I’ll move on…

I’m eternally thankful to HaShem for His mercy towards us. How can I ever repay????? And to all those out there who prayed for us; who sent notes of encouragement….. see, our prayers were answered! Hallelujah! Thank you so much for your outpouring of love. Hugs and high fives to all.

I will be in Southern California through the end of May. My regularly scheduled posts on life in Israel will continue as usual, hopefully uninterrupted.

8 thoughts on “The Wait

  1. Oh Tamar and John, and family, you have all been through one of the worst experiences in the delivery of your beautiful grand baby, Quinn! Thanks be to G-d the worst is behind you. Will continue to pray for Tess and her full recovery!

    Most especially, a huge Congratulations on your first beautiful grand baby, Quinn. He is absolutely gorgeous! Good looks run in the family, so he had to a beautiful baby! Finally, I pray you can enjoy some time with Quinn, Tess and Michael. I know it’s hard when you caring for everyone, but I know you’ll take some time to hold your precious grandchild.

    Oh Tamar, take care of yourself, too. I’ll be praying for G-Ds grace of strength and energy for you. If there is anything, I can help with let me know.
    Love you, so much!
    Yolanda

    Sent from my iPad

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for all your prayers, support & friendship, Yo. Can’t wait to spend some time with you!! (And I know it’s different, but Quinn is a little girl- the boy is due in April & I’m praying it will be a breeze!)

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  2. Oh My God! She is soooo precious. That’s what I call a miracle … and they say miracles don’t happen any more. What do you call this whole situation? It’s a Miracle… thank God a million times for unswerving our prayers. Thank you for putting my mind at eases.
    You made me cry at the same time you made me happy and grateful for the great news about Tessa and Quinn. What a beauty? Congratulations. So happy for all of your family. Tessa is such a fighter…. your daughters are so wonderful along with Mike.. John is so wise and has true faith in prayers, he knew that God will answer our prayers. You are such a brave and awesome lady, my dear Tamar… I love you for your courage in hanging in there and raising such wonderful daughters and son.
    May Tessa continue to get better everyday and I am sure she was ecstatic for you making it on time for her to help her out with her recovery . Enjoy your precious minutes.
    Please give them hugs and best wishes from me. Hopefully I will get to see you before you go back to Israel.
    Lots of hugs and kisses.
    Take it easy, remember to take care of yourself. Love you lots.
    May God bless you always.

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    • I know, right?? Such a miracle! And such a blessing! And Mike reminds me a lot of John. Tess is certainly blessed. I’m in CA until the end of May, but am not traveling anywhere else. Still have no set plans after Tessa is a bit stronger. Will you be in the area?

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  3. tamar and john mazaltov so sorry you all had this traumatic experience but happy you now have a beautiful addition to your lovely family.
    had i known i would have added my prayers.
    My love to you all. take care and be well.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Itai should have Malka bat Tessa and Tessa bat Tamar on list at shul…. thanks, Noreen- John should be here middish April…

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  4. Dear Tamar and John,
    Mazal Tov on your beautiful new granddaughter, and on the amazing strength of your whole family! Yes, faith in God is the greatest gift we can give our children, and now your granddaughter will benefit from your faith as well. Well done! Love, Mona

    Liked by 1 person

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